February 16, 2025
We’re in a new sermon series where we’re looking at marriages in the Bible, to see how their mistakes or success could help our marriages to be better.
As a society, we send a confusing message about marriage. Marriage can be seen as the goal of life, something that leads to happily ever after! But then, happily ever after doesn’t come in so many marriages, even marriages where the couple sees getting married as their life goal.
We’re starting in Genesis 29. We’re going to look at an unusual story about a couple. Well, back then a man might have more than one wife. Which is weird! I don’t recommend it! That’s a recipe for an unhappy marriage! Jacob and Leah have a rough start but grow a little bit in marriage.
So, what happened was, Jacob had tricked his brother Esau out of his inheritance. Esau, because he was first born, was supposed to get a major inheritance. But Jacob, encouraged by his mother, went to his father, Isaac, who was dying, and impersonated his brother. So Isaac blessed the wrong son. Jacob stole Esau’s inheritance.
Esau was furious! He wanted to kill Jacob, so Jacob did what his mother told him. He ran off to his uncle who lived far away. Jacob didn’t get the inheritance he stole.
So, Jacob had some issues with his parents. His father loved his brother more than him! His brother was a man’s man, a hairy guy and great at hunting! Jacob wasn’t like that. If you felt your father was distant, or he was absent, you know some of the heartache Jacob experienced. Jacob’s mother loved him. But Jacob couldn’t see her, because his brother Esau was angry and would kill him if Jacob was near home and he found him! Jacob was longing for love from his parents. He didn’t have that. He sees Rachel, who happens to be his uncle’s daughter. If you do the math, that’s Jacob’s cousin, and he thinks she’s the one! This is a backwoods kind of story! Anyway, Jacob thinks, if I can just get married to her, someone will love me.
That feeling that love will make us complete is something that happens all the time. Like a young woman who feels empty unless she has a boyfriend. Or a young man who thinks he has to have a girlfriend to be cool.
Or it can be someone who leaves their marriage for a younger, cuter person. If I have someone who makes me look like I made it, I’ll be happy. That’s trying to fill an emptiness with marriage.
Jacob ran from his brother and showed up at his uncle Laban’s. Laban had two daughters: Leah was the older, and Rachel was the younger. And v.17 says Rachel was graceful and beautiful. Jacob loved her! Physical attraction is important, but it’s often overvalued. It’s not the most important thing. In fact, in our story today, we’ll find the better person of the two was the older sister.
So, Jacob wanted to marry Rachel, because he thought she was the answer to the mess he was in.
There are some problems when you think that marriage is the answer.
The first problem when marriage is the answer, is you become very demanding of your marriage. Because if marriage is your goal in your life, you expect marriage to make you happy. Jacob moved into Uncle Laban’s household and started working for him. Laban asked him what wages he wanted in return for his work? Jacob said, “If you’ll let me marry your daughter Rachel, I’ll work seven years for you. “Laban agreed. So, Jacob worked 7 YEARS in order to marry Rachel.
When the 7 years were up, Jacob demanded Rachel! He said, “The time is up, I want to marry Rachel NOW!” It’s like he said, “I did my part, now send her over to do her part.” He doesn’t show honor to her or her father. Jacob is not humble. He’s demanding.
Sometimes marriage becomes a contract: I deliver this; therefore, you deliver for me. We come up with all these expectations of each other, and we’re not satisfied because our partner can never live up to all our expectations! We want them to make us dinner, wash our car, give us more money to spend, and take us on better vacations. We argue you don’t… you never…you aren’t…When we believe marriage is the answer, we become demanding!
Jacob wants Rachel, and he wants her now! They get married, have the big reception, but that night, Laban brings his older daughter, Leah, to Jacob, instead of Rachel. Maybe Jacob had a lot to drink, and Leah comes in with a big bridal veil and all on. But the next morning he wakes up and sees who’s next to him and goes AAHHH! He was not planning on Leah. He goes to Laban and says, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel! Why have you deceived me?” Jacob is dissatisfied.
There’s a lot of deceit in this family! But here’s what is going to happen anytime you think one person can meet all your needs. You think you married the person of your dreams, but you find out, that’s not who you married. The person you married is a human being. They’re not perfect. Because no person can meet all our needs. After you get married, there’s a honeymoon period when everything’s great. But after a while you grow more dissatisfied. You need God to change your heart.
Jacob has to promise to work 7 more years for his uncle Laban in order to marry Rachel! Let’s think about Leah for a moment. She’s now married to Jacob. But he makes it clear: he never wanted to marry her. Leah names her first child with Jacob “Reuben”: for she said, “It’s because the Lord has seen my misery.” And she hopes, since she gave Jacob a son, that he will love her now. Which is heartbreaking. She thinks, maybe if I give him children, our marriage will work.
We can be like that in marriage: maybe if I make more money, or win the lottery, my partner will love me. Maybe if I stop asking for help with chores, he or she will love me.
What’s missing in the Jacob, Leah and Rachel story? They don’t bring God into marriage, no one is seeking God’s guidance. So far as we can see, it’s all based on what I want out of you.
So, Jacob and Leah were searching for the one. The problem is they were searching for the wrong one.
In our culture we’ve been taught and conditioned to believe, that to really be fulfilled in life, you have to find the one, Mr. Right or Mrs. Right. If we can just find the one, we will be happy. So, we meet someone, they’re cute, maybe they’re the one! But the better thing to say when you meet someone that you think could be the one, is instead of saying: “I met the one!” The better thing to say is, he or she is a follower of Christ, and they are close to God. I think I have just met the two! Because to be really fulfilled in life, you have to meet the one, but you can’t forget that God is always your One, and you spouse is your two. To be really fulfilled in life, you have to meet the One, God.
Jesus said the biggest command is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. And love your neighbor as yourself as second. So, what’s most important is to love God. If you want a great marriage, if you want your marriage to work out, you have to seek first the one, God.
Jacob and Leah started with not the best marriage. But they grew some. Jacob had two significant experiences of God. When he was fleeing his parents’ home and travelling to his Uncle Laban’s, at night he dreamed of a ladder going to heaven, with angels going up and down it. In the dream God said, “I will make of you a great nation. All peoples on earth will be blessed by you. I will be with you wherever you go and will bring you back to this land.” Jacob woke up and made a vow: If God takes care of me, and one day brings me back home, then he will be my God.
Jacob has an “if you do this, then I will love you” relationship with God. And that’s also the marriage relationship he will have with Leah and Rachel. If you do this, then I’ll do this.
Jacob’s second significant experience with God, is when, after 20 years, he finally took his wives and children and herds and left his Uncle Laban’s, but was also about to meet his brother, Esau, who he hopes is no longer ready to kill him. While alone at night, Jacob wrestles with a stranger, who turns out to be God. And God changes Jacob’s name to Israel, which means he struggles with God. Jacob wrestled with God and grew a deeper faith. Jacob realized God loved him, and that love was more than a transaction: if you do this, then I will do that. God’s love is unconditional. It’s from God that we learn to love unconditionally, and to love our spouse that way.
Leah grows spiritually, too! She gave birth to three sons with Jacob, each time thinking, this baby will make Jacob love me. Then she gives birth to a fourth one. And she says something different in Genesis 29:35, she names her baby Judah, because she said, “I’ll praise the Lord!”
She finally found the ONE! She praised God! And this son, Judah, begets, and begets until Jesus is born. The Savior of the world came from her praising the Lord! Out of something that did not start right, God can bring good. If your marriage did not start right or is not right today, if there are two seeking one, anything is possible. How do you start? As a couple you start by holding hands and asking God to guide you to make him first in your life. Because to really be fulfilled in life, you have to find the One. God is your one, and your spouse is your two.
My challenge for you this week is to ask yourself, what can I do to make sure that God is my One?
Marriage is a gift from God, but it requires a love that’s beyond what we can imagine or understand. It requires a love that isn’t just in it for me and what I can get out of this relationship. To have a great marriage we need to seek to love like God does: with a love that is not demanding but instead is understanding. A love that accepts our spouse just as they are and believes the best of them. We love best when God is number one. And our spouse is our number two. Amen.
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