February 23, 2025
We’re continuing our sermon series on marriage in the Bible, finding what we can learn from their mistakes and successes! Last week we talked about Jacob and Leah (and Rachel). That was a complicate relationship. We learned what to do about dissatisfaction in marriage. If you’re hoping you married the perfect person, you’re out of luck! No one is perfect. We need to make God number one in life, and our spouse is our two. Then we can learn from God how to love our spouse unconditionally.
This week, we’re talking about King Ahab, Queen Jezebel. In their marriage. As often happens, one partner passive, the other very active personality, even controlling.
One time I visited my cousin Mary, who lived in New York City. We were going to go sightseeing. She asked me what I wanted to see? I said, “I doesn’t matter. Whatever you suggest is fine.” And she got angry! I was surprised! I thought I would make her life easier by saying, “Let’s go do what you want to do.” But she didn’t find my passivity helpful! I can see that: if you have a visitor, you are showing around, you want them to enjoy their visit! You want to know what they like and want to see.
My brother had visited Mary before me. She said that when he visited, he never had an opinion about where he wanted to go. She told me I wasn’t going to get away with that! I had to have an answer. So, I said, “I’d love to see the empire state building!” I made sure to have an opinion! A person can be too passive, right?
But you can be the opposite. You can be too active, and too controlling. Say you’re a wife and mother who feels like her husband doesn’t dress the kids right, or feed them right, or discipline them correctly. And you say, “I’ll do it myself.” You can be controlling. This can lead to you feeling overworked, over busy, and stressed, and asking, “Why doesn’t my husband help me?” Because you don’t let him help. Marriage is a team that rises or falls together.
Today we’re going to look at what could be the worst marriage in the Bible. If you feel like you have a bad marriage, you’ll feel much better about yours after we look at the marriage between King Ahab and his very evil and annoying wife, Jezebel. Ahab was king of the northern kingdom of Israel for 20 years starting in 875 B.C.
In 1 Kings 21, King Ahab sees a vineyard in his neighborhood, and he thinks, I’ve got to have that vineyard! So, he tells the vineyard owner, Naboth, “Let me have your vineyard to use for a vegetable garden, since it is close to my palace. In exchange I will give you a better vineyard or, if you prefer, I will pay you whatever it is worth.” But Naboth refused, saying, “The Lord forbid that I should give you the inheritance of my ancestors.”
So, what did Ahab do? He goes home, lies on his bed and refuses to eat. He’s angry, he really wanted that vegetable garden!
Ahab gives up. He is passive. He doesn’t try more negotiating. He could try, and say, “Hey Naboth, if you let me buy the vineyard, I’ll let you sit on my throne and take a selfie.” Or he could say, “Naboth! I’ll give you twice the worth of your vineyard! I’ll give you two vineyards for your one.” No, Ahab just stops trying and gives up.
Well in walks Jezebel. She asks, What’s wrong? Ahab tells his wife he’s upset because he can’t have the vineyard he wants.
Jezebel says, “Is this how you act as king over Israel? Get up and eat! Cheer up. I’ll get you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite.”
In other words, she says, “You can’t do it yourself? Get out of the way! I know how to get it done!”
Jezebel’s husband, King Ahab, is being passive. If a person has a spouse who is acting weak in an area of life, you can do two things to guarantee they remain weak! The first thing you can do is use words to make them feel they are not important.
That’s what Jezebel does! She says, “Is this how you act as king over Israel?” She’s saying, what kind of king are you? You don’t know how to go after what you want. All you do is go on a hunger strike. Pathetic!
The words we speak to people close to us are powerful! They can make a person who is down and out feel even worse! Or your words can make a person close to you feel encouraged, like they can climb mountains!
About 30 years ago, when Kevin and I had been married just a few years, I was doing all the laundry for us. One day Kevin did the laundry. He was feeling pretty good about stepping up! But when he took our clothes out of the washer, they had turned orange! I had never seen that before. He asked me what did I do wrong? I said, “Nothing. I don’t think it’s your fault.” We found out, it was a problem with iron in our well water. This was when we lived near Klingerstown, in Rough and Ready. Someone in our church told us we can get the orange out of our clothes by using Arnot. We had never heard of Arnot. Where do you buy Arnot? At the store. We didn’t see anything called Arnot at the store. Turns out, the person who told us about Arnot spoke with a Dutchy accent. They were saying we needed to use “Iron out.” Which we had at home. We just didn’t know where to get Arnot!
Now ever since, for many years, Kevin has been doing his own laundry. I am so glad I encouraged him, and didn’t make him feel bad about our orange laundry!
The words you use make a world of difference! How powerful when you use words to build up your spouse or people close to you, instead of to tear down. Choose your words wisely, because marriage is team that rises or falls together.
The second thing Jezebel does to make Ahab remain weak is say, “I’ll do it! I’ll get you the vineyard of Naboth!” She takes over for him. She writes letters in Ahab’s name, she seals them with his seal, (she’s taking over his job as king!) and she sends them to the elders and nobles. The letters say that they should get thugs to accuse Naboth of cursing God and the king. (Naboth didn’t curse them, but the thugs will accuse him.) Then they should take Naboth outside the city and stone him to death.
It all happens as Jezebel directs them, and Naboth is killed. Jezebel tells Ahab, go take possession of your vineyard, because Naboth is dead.
This is an evil thing that Jezebel has done! Ahab is happy about it; he goes and gets his vineyard. Next God speaks to the prophet Elijah, telling him to go have a talk with Ahab. Elijah tells Ahab he’s done wrong, and he’ll be punished.
Notice, technically, Jezebel is the one who had Naboth murdered. But God’s message to Ahab is, you murdered a man and stole his property. I’m going to punish both of you.
Maybe Ahab didn’t know his wife would kill Naboth. But he let her take over as king. He let her use his power. He was passive. He was guilty.
Marriage is team that rises or falls together!
My challenge for you this week is to speak some encouraging words to your spouse, if you’re married. If not, speak encouraging words to someone else. Think about something they are good at and praise them!
We can get started now. Say to someone next to you or near you, “I think you’re great!” I think you’re all great!
In marriage, there is often a more passive spouse, and a more active, even controlling spouse. A married couple tends to be happier when they communicate well, and problem solve together! Nobody takes over and shoulders all the burdens, and nobody says, “I’m not good enough,” and sits back and does nothing. Speak positive words, and find ways to praise your spouse, or friend or family member, and you’ll have a happier, healthier relationship!
Amen.
Maureen Duffy-Guy's blog 