Chasing Carrots: Perfectionism 

April 21, 2024 

We’re in our sermon series talking about the endless pursuit of more! Today we’re talking about perfectionism. I don’t know who this will speak to, but I know it will speak to me, because I have an unhealthy need to live up to your expectations, to my own unrealistic expectations, and to live up to God’s expectations. Are you ever hard on yourself, do you sometimes work more than is healthy? So often we are hard on ourselves, but we will be so understanding and gracious to someone else who messes up. If your child or your best friend makes a mistake you’ll say, “Don’t worry, no one is…perfect.” 

You are understanding to somebody else, but for yourself, when you don’t live up to your expectations, you feel shame and guilt and unworthiness. 

Then there can be a sense of, God wants me to be good and holy. So, when you read the verse in Scriptures, Matthew 5:48 which says, “Be perfect, therefore as your heavenly Father is perfect.” NO PRESSURE! Just be perfect like God! Never have a bad thought, never be critical of anyone, never take God’s name in vain, and pray an hour a day. You can work really hard at being perfect, but never feel like you’re good enough. It’s hard to relax, find peace, and enjoy life, when you’re always trying to be perfect! 

But here’s the thing. When the Scripture talks about being perfect, Jesus is speaking of being mature: growing in goodness and love. Jesus is not talking about performance! This verse comes in a passage where tells his followers, “Love your enemy.” He wants you to love God, love others, and love yourself! That’s what Jesus wants us to do. It’s not about trying to do things perfectly. Jesus is saying, to follow God is to be growing in love. Be perfected in how you love. God’s not looking for a perfect performance. 

I was in seminary, where you go to school to be a minister. I had an oral exam coming up. This was a different sort of test. You should know facts about the Bible, and who God is. And you should be able to talk about why you feel called to be a minister. Well, I was tired of studying. I didn’t study much for that oral exam. I don’t know if that was the right thing to do. But I just thought, I’m so tired of trying so hard. And guess what? I failed! It was pass or fail, there was no grade. Most everybody passes. I remember one of my seminary buddies letting out a gasp: Maureen, how could you fail?! I was upset that I failed. But what I discovered was grace. This was a place of grace. I could take it again. I got a do over. I studied and prepared, and I passed! 

In the end, I was happy for the experience. I felt like, God doesn’t need me to be perfect in performance! I can relax and live in God’s grace. Perfectionism focuses on what I do. Grace focuses on what Jesus has already done. 

At its root perfectionism is trying to cover up our insecurities and our fears. It’s trying to create the illusion that if I live up to this perfect standard, then I’ll be meet other people’s expectations, or meet my standards, or save the world, or meet God’s standard. Perfectionism is when we try to say, “What me, weak? No, I’m not weak. Nothing wrong with me. I am perfect.” 

Of course, perfectionism can also be when we hold someone else up to a perfect standard. Maybe we tell our kid, spouse, or friend: the problem with you is… Nobody feels better when you tell them their problem! We might try to shame them into perfection, which can ruin a relationship. If nobody is perfect, how can we get so down on another human being’s faults? We have our own. 

How do you solve perfectionism: by being more perfect? No, that’s the problem! Perfectionism is a spiritual problem. We need to let God solve it. I want to tell you how we are made right with God. In Romans 3:20 Paul says, “No one”. That no one includes you, the person you’re sitting next to, everyone! And it doesn’t matter if you’re a great person or a bad person, a minister, or a holy person, or how old you are, Paul says, ‘No one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands. The law simply shows us how sinful we are.” 

We can try to follow the 10 commandments, but it doesn’t make us right with God. I have not kept the 10 commandments: The first one is Don’t put anything before God. Don’t take God’s name in vain. Don’t lie. Don’t wish you had something you don’t. I haven’t always lived up to those. Nobody can live up to the law. 

The law simply shows us how sinful we are. The law reveals that we need help. We need grace, we need mercy. We’re never gonna be good enough on our own. Every single one of us, we have all fallen short of God’s standard. It’s not that I want you to feel bad. It’s just that, until you see yourself as a sinner, you won’t see your need for a Savior. Paul tells us: we have all fallen short. We are not perfect. 

How are we made right with God? Not by religious efforts, not by doing good works, not by eliminating bad stuff from our lives, not even by joining a church. We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus, through his sacrifice, paid the price for our sin. Salvation is not Christ plus good works. You’re made right with God by Jesus alone, and faith in him.  

Because of Jesus, the pressure is off! You don’t have to be perfect to please God! Our gospel today is about the time Jesus comes to visit Martha and Mary and their brother. Martha was running around making this perfect meal. Everything has to be just right! Imagine if Jesus came to your house for dinner: would you feel pressure? So, Martha is busy, and she looks for Mary to help her. She finds her! Mary is just relaxing, sitting in the lazy boy recliner, listening to Jesus. Martha yells at her, MARY! Get off your blankety blank and come here and serve Jesus! When Mary doesn’t, Martha says to Jesus, “Tell her to help me!” 

Jesus looks at her and says, Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details. Enjoy the people you are with. I don’t need a Martha Stewart dinner. Jesus is saying to you and me, I don’t care about the things that don’t last. You don’t need to impress me. You are God’s beloved child. Only one thing is important. Mary figured out what the one thing is. The most important thing won’t be taken away from her. Martha, just choose people over perfection. Perfectionism focuses on what I do. Grace focuses on what Jesus has already done. 

When kids are just learning to walk, they lurch around, wobble, and fall. What do you do if you’re their parent? You don’t say, “You pathetic loser! You can’t even walk three steps! I’m trading you in for a more coordinated kid!” No, you don’t. What you do is you hug them and love them and say, “GREAT job! You took a step!” And whenever they take a step, you love them and encourage them.  

When God sees you fall short, he loves you more than ever! He is encouraging you and cheering you on! There’s nothing you can do to make him love you more! God is out there with perfect love and open arms, encouraging you! 

My challenge for you this week is to tell yourself, “God loves me, just as I am!” Now tell someone else, “God loves you, just as you are!” 

Perfectionism focuses on what I do. Grace focuses on what Jesus has already done. Our job is not to be perfect, not to try to convince people how good we are. Our job is to point people to how good God is! He loves the best person in the world, God loves the worst person in the world, and everyone in between. None of us is perfect and we can’t be perfect. But we’re better off: we’re loved unconditionally by God. The pressure is off. So just step into God’s love! Amen.