Going the Distance 

September 18, 2022 

Everybody who gets married wants a marriage that will last forever! Everybody wants their family to live in harmony with their each other. We all want relationships with spouse, or family and friends who support us and think we are the greatest person on earth! 

What’s the reality? 50% of marriages end in divorce. Some people don’t divorce but are dissatisfied with their marriage. A good relationship takes more than showing up for the wedding! Americans have fewer friends than we used to, on average we have three good friends. Today we are going to talk about, how to have a mutually satisfying relationship with the most important people. We’ll look at a parable Jesus told, and at a controversial quote from the Apostle Paul. 

Today’s gospel is Luke where Jesus tells a parable, a made-up story, that is strange and still today, we can’t figure out what it all means! 

Jesus says, “There was a rich man whose manager was accused of wasting his possessions. ² So the rich man called him in and asked him, ‘What is this I hear about you? Give an account of your management, because you cannot be manager any longer.’ 

³ “The manager said to himself, ‘What shall I do now? My master is taking away my job. I’m not strong enough to dig, and I’m ashamed to beg— ⁴ I know what I’ll do so that, when I lose my job here, people will welcome me into their houses.’   

So, the dishonest manager called in people who owed his master money. To someone who owed his boss 900 gallons of olive oil, he said, take your bill and change it to 450 gallons, cut it in half. 

To someone who owed 1000 bushels of wheat to the master he said, take you bill and change it to 800 bushels, so that’s 20% off. 

Then, this is the really strange part, the master finds out about this and is happy with the dishonest manager! Jesus says “The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light.” WHAT?! Does Jesus want us to cheat our boss? And what kind of boss says, “I’m so glad you gave a discount to my debtors! I’m happy I will have less money from my business, because you are so shrewd! You are smart!” That boss doesn’t exist. 

So, what is going on? We don’t understand all this Scripture passage. But you can see the boss is glad the dishonest manager made a choice to “use worldly wealth to make friends.” The dishonest manager realized, I’m losing my job, I’m ashamed to become a beggar. But what I can do is make friends. I’ll get by with a little help from my friends! 

At least he realized, relationships are important! Now don’t be dishonest like him! But be sure to do good for your family, friends and spouse! You need them. Go the extra mile for the important people in your life! 

Now we’re going to look at a Scripture that is nobody’s favorite verse. No wife has this verse on a post-it note on their mirror! It’s Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” That verse sounds crazy, “submit to your husband seems like an irresponsible dangerous thing to say. Paul, who says this, has never been married. He is writing a letter to the church in Ephesus. He has never met the women there, or their husbands. He doesn’t know their stories. So, how could he say that? 

Wives don’t like this advice! No one wants to be told to submit to someone else. Nobody likes getting parenting advice if they’re a parent. We don’t like someone to tell us how to have a good marriage. We don’t like to be told what to do. 

But remember, we want to be close to and have a mutually satisfying relationship with those we love. One idea that can prepare you to go the distance and have that great relationship is mutual submission. Submitting to one another. A submission competition leads to a mutually satisfying relationship. 

Remember that dishonest manager? He was looking for what he could do that would help him. He was probably mad at his boss for firing him. He could have wanted revenge. But that wouldn’t be helpful to him. Rather than thinking, how can I get back at my boss? Instead, he asked, “How can I make some friends?”  

With the people we love, there are times we are angry. Sometimes we have a desire to yell, fight, get back at them, get even. But does that make the relationship better? No. What works for a good relationship is less pride and more humility! A submission competition leads to a mutually satisfying relationship! 

Jesus and the apostle Paul were both very pro women. At the time, women were considered subservient, Jewish women weren’t taught to read or write. Jesus showed women that they were important. He talked to the woman at the well, and he saved a woman about to be stoned. The apostle Paul, he said about a couple, Andronicus and his wife Junia, that they were outstanding apostles in the church! So, women were among the leaders in the early Christian church.  

Paul is speaking as someone who is pro-woman. His words in Ephesians 5 about wives submitting comes after vs 21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Not just wives, but everybody has to submit to each other, just as Christ was humble. After telling wives to submit to their husbands, then in verse 25, Paul says, “Husbands love your wives,” but you don’t get to choose how much to love, or what it looks like to love your wife. This is how Paul says you are to love your wives: “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Jesus gave his life for the church. He put it first. So put your wife first.  

If you want a word that is easier to swallow than submit, you can use the word, “defer.” Defer to your spouse. Treat him or her as if they are more important than you. You know, when a couple meets and falls in love, they automatically treat each other with extra honor and respect. We have hormones that kick in in a big way when we are in love in a new relationship. When a couple falls in love, they overlook weaknesses in their new romantic partner. That’s how you win over your spouse! You defer, you are extra nice, you treat them extra special! That’s how you want to be treated: like you’re the most important person in the world to your spouse. When you defer, your spouse is more likely to defer to you. A submission competition leads to a mutually satisfying relationship.  

It’s helpful to defer even if you’re not a Christian and you don’t have to. Submitting makes your relationship better because you are extra kind to and extra into your spouse! If you are a Christian, this is mandatory. Paul says, love one another, the way Christ loves you! Take your cues from Jesus. Do what He did! He forgave, he didn’t walk around like a celebrity who was full of himself. Instead, he lifted up the poor. He saw the best in people and brought it out in them. He did not come to be served, but to serve.  

The things Jesus did, having humility, doing the honorable thing, listening to what others have to say: that always wins the day. It makes a relationship better! But pride, selfishness and unforgiveness, they always poison a relationship. 

So, my challenge for you this week is to ask a question that mutual submission asks: “What can I do to help?” Ask that question to someone you are close to: a parent, spouse, friend. Practice right now: ask someone near you, “What can I do to help?”  Why don’t we ask that question more? Because we know what the result might be, “Oh wait a minute, I’ve got a list, I’ll be right back with it! 

This week ask someone close to you the question: What can I do to help? It’s a question that brings us down to earth and slows us down. It helps you say yes to someone who is very important to you! 

Jesus told a strange parable about a dishonest manager whose boss actually praises him for cheating in order to make friends! (Now don’t cheat!) Paul instructed Christians to submit to each other, to be like Christ. We want good relationships with the most important people in our lives. When you defer to your friend, spouse, or other family member, when you ask, “How can I help you?” you imitate Jesus as you show love, respect and honor. And you build the relationship that you hope and dream for. Amen.