June 26, 2022
We’re starting a new message series on some summer activities: they are a Family reunion, road trip, camping, and boating, oops, swimming! These are wonderful summer activities. Sometimes though, things don’t go the way you planned! When that happens, it’s easy to think, “Why me?” “This has never happened to anybody but me!” But our ancestors in faith took part in these sorts of things: family reunions, road trips, camping and boating, and sometimes at great risk to their very lives! There’s a comfort that we are not alone when things go wrong. We’ll find out what they did and what God did in these situations.
Today, we are talking about a family reunion! Family reunions can have simple problems like, “I don’t remember who that is.” “What IS their name?” Name tags are very helpful! Another problem might be, how do I keep myself from eating too much? There is so much good food. Those are the simple problems. There is a tougher situation where a family reunion meets a family feud.
Sometimes people get mad and stop talking to each other. You get invited to a family reunion and you ask, “Is so and so going? They are? Oh, I’ll come a week later.” Long before I was born, there was a feud in my dad’s extended family. Something happened and my grandma and her brothers in law and sisters in law didn’t get along. Grandpa had seven sisters and brothers. Many of them lived in the area but we rarely saw them. When I was high school, my parents and I started getting together with one of my dad’s aunts, Aunt Sade. We would go to see her or go out to eat, (without my grandma!) I wondered, where has Aunt Sade been all these years? I didn’t know why everybody was upset with each other. It seems silly when you look at somebody else’s broken relationship. It makes no sense why they don’t just fix it and get over it.
But when I am mad at somebody: it’s crystal clear what the issue is! The problem is, the person I’m mad at sees things his or her way, and I see things, the right way! That attitude makes it really hard to get through a feud. Fixing a feud is a whole different thing than fixing say, a broken toy. With a toy, you have the pieces. Maybe you can glue it together. But a broken relationship? I don’t control all the relationship, just one side, just myself There are two people in the equation.
Sometimes when there is a conflict, we say things that to us make sense: “I’m sorry if I offended you.” This sounds sort of like an apology. But it’s an insult. You are too easily offended. That’s the reason you got upset. It’s your fault for being so sensitive.
Another thing you might say? “I said I’m sorry, why are you still upset?” I’m saying, I’ve done my part. Something is wrong with you that you are upset.
It’s hard to repair a relationship. Sometimes you end up waiting for the other person to do what you should do. You should do it, you should make a move, because you’re the better person.
When there is a broken relationship, the goal is not reconciliation. Because you only have control over your side of the relationship. It’s best to never set a goal for another adult. Instead of the goal being reconciliation, the goal is no regrets. You do your best, to make space for the other person to make their move or say what they feel they need to say. If it works, great! If not, at least you have no regrets. You know you tried.
In the Scripture, Jacob and Esau were twins. Jacob’s name meant ankle grabber, one who deceives or cheats! That is quite a name. When they were born, Jacob was born second. But he tried to be first! He grabbed onto his brother’s ankle. Esau’s name meant, “The hairy one.” They both lived up to their names! Esau got even hairier. And Jacob cheated his brother several times.
The firstborn son gets the big inheritance and gets to be the head of the clan when his father dies. Jacob wanted to be firstborn. Once when they were mostly grown, Esau came home really hungry, just famished. Jacob had just made stew. Esau wanted some. Jacob said, “I’ll give it to you for your birthright.” Esau was so hungry that he said, ok.
Then when their father, Isaac was dying, their mother helped Jacob disguise himself as Esau and get his father’s blessing. Esau was really hairy, so their mother got an animal skin for Jacob to wear so he seemed hairy, like Esau. Their father was blind, so this fooled him. He gave his blessing to Jacob, thinking he was Esau. Esau was so mad when he found out about it, that he said he wanted to kill Jacob! So, Jacob ran away to a relative, Laban. There he lived and married Laban’s daughters. After some years jealousy arose among Laban’s sons and Laban over much Jacob prospered. Jacob had big flocks of sheep and goats. God told Jacob, it’s time to go back to your homeland and family. And I will be with you. Jacob’s wives, Rachel and Leah were ok with leaving. So, Jacob, his wives, concubines, children, and livestock left and travelled to where he was from.
Jacob was afraid that his brother Esau still wanted to kill him. Along the way, Jacob spent the night alone. He wrestled with an angel, or maybe even God! God changed Jacob’s name from Jacob: cheater, deceiver, to Israel, which means God rules. Jacob got a new identity. He was a different person: no long a cheater. He was following God.
Still, Jacob was terrified when he heard that his brother Esau was coming to meet him, WITH 400 MEN! When Jacob saw Esau, he bowed down to the ground 7 times. You have to give Jacob a lot of credit here: he was afraid for his life, and for the lives of his wives and children. But he travelled all this way, all these miles, moving in the direction of his brother. Jacob teaches us: Don’t just forgive someone you are in conflict with, move in their direction.
So often when there is a feud between us and someone else, we cross our arms. We tried. The other person is just not reasonable. We walk away from them. Maybe we say, “I forgive them, but I don’t want to have anything to do with them.”
It took him many years for Jacob to go to Esau. But he listened to God; he moved in Esau’s direction. What happened at that big moment when they finally met? Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him and kissed him. And they wept.
Then Jacob gave Esau a gift of droves of livestock. He was a different person, no longer a cheater. He was a giver. It was not an ugly family reunion. It was a love fest. Jacob looked at his brother and said, “To see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably.”
That was a beautiful family reunion! It happened because Jacob listened to God and took the risk of moving toward his brother Esau, without knowing if he would survive it!
The Christian faith is all about reconciliation. That’s why Jesus came: to reconcile us with God. Our faith is all about us having a relationship with God and one another. One day Jesus called Levi, a tax collector, to follow him. Levi said, ok. Then Levi threw a party, inviting his tax collector buddies and Jesus to come. When the religious leaders saw this, they asked Jesus, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?” They wanted to know, why wasn’t Jesus keeping himself apart from sinners? He might get sinner cooties. Why, Jesus, do you move in the sinner’s direction?
Why? Because Jesus came to reconcile all people. He had to come to earth, because you can’t reconcile from a distance. He moved into our neighborhood. He came to us sinners; to people who had broken their relationship with God our Father. Jesus came to call sinners to repentance. He couldn’t reconcile with us, and us with God, from far away. Jesus taught us: don’t just forgive someone you are in conflict with, move in their direction.
My challenge for you this week is to think of someone you are in conflict with or having a feud with. Then pray this prayer: “God Help me see_________________the way you do. Help me move toward ________________
In life there are feuds. There is walking away from people and broken relationships. We have an example of Jacob, who became Israel when he moved toward his brother Esau. We have an example of Jesus, who moved to earth, then moved toward the sinners. He couldn’t reconcile everybody. But he could try. His goal was no regrets. I’m going to move toward people who need me, who need God, and give them space to respond.
The direction of a Christian is toward the person we don’t want to talk to. Don’t just forgive someone you are in conflict with, move in their direction. It’s hard to do. It’s hard to listen and be compassionate. To move their way. But the rewards are amazing! Jacob said it was like seeing the face of God! It’s a weight off your shoulders: even if it doesn’t work, at least you have no regrets. You walk away free. Sometimes with God’s help, a feud is transformed into a beautiful reunion! Amen.
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