April 11, 2021
This morning we are beginning our new parenting series. Here’s a quote from a woman named Sandra Stanley about parenting: “The days are long, but the time is short.” That’s so true! Because it’s a lot of work raising kids, it means long days. But the time is short. Before you know it, they’re grown! It’s time for them to go off on their own, and you think, “Oh no, are they ready?” They’re never 100% ready. But you want to know you’ve done your best to prepare them so they can find their way in life. And you want to be happy, for the most part, as you parent. You don’t want parenting to be a constant battle. It should be a joy.
This is a series where we’re going to look at parenting from the lens of faith. If you look at the Bible for good parenting, it can be hard to see; there are some messed up families. It starts with Adam and Eve. One of their sons, Cain, kills his brother Abel! King David’s third son, Absalom, declares himself king and plots to kill his father. Mary and Joseph lost Jesus when he was 12 years old, on the way home from Jerusalem, and it took all day until they realized he wasn’t with them!
At least the families of the Bible can make you feel like you’re a pretty good parent in comparison! You are. You should be proud of yourself!
So instead of learning parenting from the example of families in the Bible, we have a different model. Jesus is our example. No, he didn’t have children. But Jesus interacted with so many different people. He understood them and related to them in ways that changed their lives.
Today we will look at a Scripture for John 1:9 that says, “The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.” That verse is about Jesus. Jesus gave light to everyone. You had a hard day? You felt better when you were with Jesus. He helped you see what was important. He was the true light.
Vs. 14 and 15 say, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”
“The Word” means Jesus. Jesus was the one and only Son of God, who came to us, full of grace and truth. Now it doesn’t say Jesus was 50% grace, and 50% truth. Instead, it says he was “full of grace and truth.” He was all grace and all truth all the time!
What is grace? It is the free and unmerited favor of God. It’s forgiveness. Grace is not earned, it is free. It’s not something you deserve. Through Jesus’ willingness to sacrifice himself for us, we are forgiven and saved. Grace is a free and unmerited gift!
What truth did Jesus come with? The truth that you expect responsibility from someone. Sometimes truth is rules or laws. Sometimes it’s the hard truth that you don’t want to hear, but you need to hear it.
Jesus came, full of both grace and truth. He could tell you the hard truth, and still, you knew he loved you, he respected and cared for you. So, you were glad for the hard truth! Jesus also showed grace: he forgave and welcomed people that most people had a hard time caring about. Jesus was all grace, and all truth, all the time.
When you were growing up, maybe you had a grace parent and a truth parent. Truth parent handed out the discipline. Maybe they said, “Do your homework before you go play.” “Do your chores!” Then you had the grace parent, who said, “Go have fun!” They spent lots of money on you for Christmas! Who was your favorite parent? The grace parent!
An example of Jesus being full of both grace and truth is when he talked with a Samaritan woman beside a well. Jesus shocked his disciples; they were so surprised to find him sitting and talking with a woman! Men and women who were strangers didn‘t talk to each other. And she was a Samaritan! Samaritans were enemies of the Jews.
Jesus asks her for water. The woman says, “You’re a Jew, I’m a Samaritan, how can you ask me for water?” Jesus says if you knew who I am, you would ask for “living water” from me! She says in v. 15, “The woman said to him, ‘Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.’” This conversation is going great! This woman is leaning in, trying to understand what Jesus is taking about. She wants the living water he offers!
Jesus says “Go, call your husband and come back.” She says, “I don’t have a husband.” Jesus says, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.”
Oh no, Jesus threw a hard truth at her! She has had five husbands, and now a boyfriend! Jesus, you should know better, you don’t say that to someone! But you know what? The woman doesn’t take offense. Jesus is so full of grace, he’s friendly to her although traditionally they should be enemies! He spends time with her, helping her understand God. he’s so great that she accepts that hard truth Jesus gives, because it comes with so much grace.
Parents, or anyone involved in raising a child, can learn from Jesus. We can follow his example of grace and truth.
Heather Criswell wrote a book, How to Raise a Happy Child (and be happy too!) She is a Daycare operator, mom and foster mom. There was a boy, Gavin, who she had in preschool, and she fostered him on and off over the years. She was his mom when Gavin was 19, and he played videogames all day. He didn’t look for a job very often because he had no luck when he did.
Heather wanted more for him, so she recalled memories of him at his best: he was so smart, kind and had a heart of gold. She realized that her job as a parent was to encourage him when he had lost faith in himself. She knew he wasn’t satisfied playing video games all day. She knew shaming him or threatening him wouldn’t help. So instead of telling him: “You need to go find a job” or “How are you going to support yourself?” She started saying, “I know that you are amazing. The world is missing your greatness when you are locked behind the doors of your bedroom. I am here to support you in your goals. I can’t wait to see what your future holds. I am cheering for you the whole way!”
So she told the hard truth, you’re better than what you’re doing, locked behind the doors of your bedroom. And she told it with full on grace! “You are amazing!”
Heather was her son’s biggest cheerleader at a difficult time. AND she found a way to be happy. You can’t make your children do what you want them to do. You’ll just be frustrated if you try to fix them. What you can do is support them with full grace and full truth. You do what you can, and you respect to your child to decide how they will act.
And you know what? Gavin finally found a job.
We all have times in life when we are stuck. We don’t need someone to yell at us and tell us we are stuck. We don’t need someone to step in and fix us. But we are hungry for someone to see us, see the gifts we have and the gift we are. Jesus saw people. He listened to them. He respected them. And so many responded to him by changing their lives and putting their trust in him. He loved them, and people loved Jesus, because he spoke to them, full of grace and truth.
My homework for you this week is to ask yourself, am I more of a truth person or more of a grace person? If you’re a truth person, a tell-it-like-it-is person, ask yourself, how can I add grace when I talk to my kids and other people? And if you are a grace person, who tells their kids, whatever you want you can have, go have fun! Ask yourself, how can I get comfortable with telling the hard truth when I need to?
There’s a Russian novel, Anna Karenina. The first sentence of the book is: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” There are a lot of ways we can get off track as parents and be unhappy with our kids. We can yell, give them the silent treatment, shame them or guilt them. Or we can give them too much, let them do anything and spoil them. Jesus shows us the one way to be a happy parent: to be full of grace and truth. It’s important to both tell them the hard truth and always share your love and your faith in your children. Follow Jesus example, be filled with grace and truth. There’s no guarantee in life that your children will do what you want or turn out how you want them to. Parents don’t have that control. But you can guarantee your child is known, loved and guided by a happy parent who always believes in them. You can parent the way Jesus related to people: full of grace and truth.
Next week’s message is “patient or pushy?” If you liked this, tell a friend! Invite them to next Sunday.
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