To Love is to Listen

February 14, 2021 

About 25 years ago Kevin’s brother got married. As we sat with Kevin’s sister and her family at the reception, his niece said, “The belly dancer is in the lobby”. I heard that. But it didn’t make sense to me. I thought, “That’s can’t be.” I let that statement go, because it couldn’t be true. But it was! The belly dancer was in the lobby. You see the bride’s father was from Egypt. In Egypt, you have a belly dancer when there is a marriage, because that brings good luck and fertility. She was a very good belly dancer! She even danced with a huge candelabra with lighted candles on her and kept them steady!  

One reason we don’t listen to something we hear is it doesn’t make sense. There are many reasons we don’t listen well when someone is talking. There are many other things to pay attention to: TVs and other screens. Sometimes we treat people more like interruptions, instead or treating them like people who are important to us, who we want to hear from. Another reason we don’t listen is life is busy. We can be impatient for the person talking to us to just get to the point. 

So just because you hear someone speak, doesn’t mean you listen. We all want to be heard. We love it when someone really listens to us and understands us. They don’t have to agree. We just want someone to understand how we feel and what we think. Being listened to feels wonderful and listening to someone brings you closer to them. Don’t settle for just hearing someone, to love is to listen. 

In the gospel today, God sends a message about listening. It’s the story of the transfiguration, where Jesus goes up a high mountain with James, John and Peter. There Jesus is transfigured: his clothes become dazzling white, whiter than anything seen before. God’s glory is shown in Jesus, he is radiant. Then Moses and Elijah appear with Jesus, although they lived centuries before. Moses represents the law, and Elijah represents the prophets. Moses and Elijah have a conversation with Jesus. Jesus’ disciples are terrified! Mark 9, verse 7 says, “Then a cloud appeared and covered them, and a voice came from the cloud: ‘This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to him!’”  

Of all the things God could say to them, why did he say, “Listen to Jesus!” Because sometimes it was hard for the disciples to listen to Jesus. But it was so important to God that they listen! Sometimes the disciples listened: like when Jesus said, “Come follow me!” They listened! They dropped everything and followed him. But the disciples had trouble understanding the parables or stories Jesus told to explain a point. They heard the parables, but they didn’t understand what they meant. So, Jesus explained the meaning to them. They had to work to understand the parables, but they loved Jesus, so they listened. 

One thing the disciples heard, but didn’t listen to, were the times Jesus said he would suffer, be rejected and killed. Peter wasn’t about to listen to that kind of talk. Peter rebuked Jesus. Peter thought this doesn’t make any sense. Jesus won’t be killed!  

Jesus replied to him, “Get behind me Satan, you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men!” Peter is not listening, because part of listening is trying to understand the other person. Peter is just basically saying: “You are crazy Jesus! Just stop it, stop talking like that, don’t ever say such a thing!” 

But Jesus insists. He says, “I’m going to suffer and die, and if you want to follow me, you have to deny yourself and take up your cross. Now this message is very hard for the disciples to understand. So, after this episode Jesus takes Peter, James and John up that high mountain. God would show them Jesus changed into the glory of God and God would give the disciples that important message: listen to Jesus! 

After God said, “Listen to Jesus!” Did the disciples finally listen to him? Not all the time! They still argued about who was the greatest disciple. They still didn’t understand what Jesus meant when he said he would be killed. They heard what Jesus said: he would suffer and die. But they didn’t listen. It was like me and that belly dancer. I heard she was coming. But I didn’t listen. 

Let’s not give the disciples a hard time about this, because we aren’t so different from them. They just show us how hard it is to really listen to someone. The disciples don’t listen to everything Jesus says before he goes to the cross. But they listened better later.  

After they had seen the resurrected Jesus and he spoke with them, they listened. They went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked miracles through them. They learned to listen, and we can, too. Don’t settle for just hearing, to love is to listen! 

Good things happen when we really listen to God and other people. When we listen to God, we start to understand God’s ways and God’s will better. When we listen to people, we build a connection, a relationship, and the other person feels accepted. They know they are not alone. They can relax in the presence of someone who understands them. 

Jesus listened well. If Jesus were an efficiency expert, he would go about healing people differently. When someone came to him for healing, he could just zap them with healing power and move on to the next person. But that’s not what he did. Instead, Jesus talked to them or their family, and asked questions, like “What do you want?” He asked a father whose son was ill, “How long has he been like this?” He asked a man who had been an invalid for 38 years, “Do you want to get well?” Jesus didn’t just get the business of healing done and move on. Jesus asked questions and listened to the answers.  

Jesus knew to love is to listen! To love someone is to want to understand. To love is to ask questions like, “How do you feel?” “What do you want?” 

Today is Valentine’s day. Nothing says love like listening. Did you get a present for someone? You probably listened and paid attention to them in order to understand what they would want. Just listening to a person is like giving them a present. When you listen, you give the gift of your attention and respect. It shows someone you care; they are important to you. Don’t settle for just hearing; to love is to listen. 

So, we’re going to learn to listen from a Bible verse: James 1:21. 

When it comes to arguments, how do you listen to someone you love? There are times you don’t want to listen! You just want to make a snide remark or give a snappy comeback. How do you listen? 

You decide you will listen, because you can win an argument, and lose the relationship. You’re not trying to win. 

James 1:21 says, “Therefore get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent.” The word for get rid of, means the idea of taking something off, like taking off a coat. So, imagine you have a coat that says all over it: “I’m right.” But to listen, you have to take it off. You have to take off the “I’m right” jacket. It’s no good for you. Your relationship loses when you wear it. The verse continues: “And humbly accept the word planted in you.”  

What’s the word planted in you? If you follow Jesus, you already know that Jesus put others first and gave his life for us all. Jesus is God’s word, planted in you, that helps you do what Jesus would do. Then it says, “which has the power to save you.” The word of God, planted in you, has the power to save you. It can save you right now, save you from having to apologize again. Save you from divorce. Save your relationship with your son or daughter. 

That’s my homework for you this week. Take off the “I’m right” jacket, the “I’m too busy for you jacket,” and give your full attention to someone in your life. Put the phone down, turn off the TV. Be curious. Ask, “Tell me more about…” “I don’t think I understand what you mean by…” Maybe you repeat what they say, or ask “Is this what you mean?” Make sure you understand and that you got what they were saying. 

God told Peter, James and John to listen to Jesus. There’s a big difference between just hearing what someone says and really listening to them. We’ve all got some baggage, some sin in us, which means that sometimes we resist listening to God and to important people in our life. But when we listen to God, life goes better. When we listen to the people around us, we grow closer to them. We don’t always realize this, but “we” is more important than “me!” Jesus listened and connected with people. Don’t settle for just hearing, to love is to listen. Amen.